look at the city burn . .

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 20:35:18 GMT

i'm done with everyone, seriously. the stupidity, drug use, drama, and lies just keep piling one on top of the other. i'm so disgusted with these people i use to call friends. hahahaha, man how people can change through the years. i just keep dropping "friends" one by one, but it doesn't bother me, i don't need them in my life. i have shit to fufill, i've had my phase and i've grown out of it.

now it's time for all of you to open your eyes and realize what the fuck you're doing.

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 16:06:20 GMT

fuck this new years.
i'm starting it out by putting my dog down.
we weren't going to do it, but he had a bad night last night.
and my mom just woke me up to tell me she set up the appointment
he'll be gone in about an hour
i can't stop crying.
he's my baby...</3

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:11:38 GMT

so steve invited me to get suspended next sunday.
can i just say I'M FUCKING STOKED.
it's going to be quite an amazing experience.
i love life sometimes.

julianne, wednesday isn't soon enough, hurry home!

it's muh birthday

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 20:48:58 GMT

just one more year until i'm legal to drink haha.
i can't fucking wait for tomorrow and saturday.
this weekend is going to be, as steve says, EPIC

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 17:20:48 GMT

this weekend is going to be AMAZING.
i get to take a road trip with steve and amber
and the best part of that is the destination.
JULIANNEEEEE!
oh god, i'm so excited. this week has been dragging on for forever.
i cannot fucking WAIT to see my best friend and then to spend that with the best two people ever.
ah, i think i creamed myself.

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 19:12:55 GMT

my best friends are leaving me..
one has already left..
now two more are moving away..

i don't know what i'm going to do.

hahaha

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 18:15:29 GMT

dumbass.
i hate people and their ignorance to their own actions.
choke on your own words, please.

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 23:46:13 GMT

i'm my own worst enemy.

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 03:05:45 GMT

i've noticed
when i sit at my house all day doing nothing, i get really depressed.
for no reason. being here just makes me really sad.

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 21:50:20 GMT

haven't actually written something in here in god knows how long.
life's been going good.... i guess.
got fired from my shithole job, thank god.
it was such a relief off of my shoulders.
now another weights added on of NOT having money coming in.
blah, i'm living off money that i'm not suppose to be spending, oops.
i'm flunking one college class, and the other, well it's easy.
i've been procrastinating on my classes, not good.
suppose to start full time next semester and if i can't get my classes,
welp, then i automatically get taken off my parents insurance and lose my scholarship.
yayy.
it's nice to think about all this shit, oh wait.
my truck still has so much shit wrong with it, i need an oil change BADLY, yet again procrastination.
there is one good thing in my life right now.
out of the blue, erika and i started dating again.
i honestly didn't know how to react at first cause i felt like i was back in 9th grade, lol.
but really, i'm so fucking happy.
she's always on my mind, i love thinking about her, wondering what's she's doing, thinking..
idk, i'm really happy about this.
especially with the relationship i had right before her, this is amazing.
i didn't want to date for a long time, to recooperate myself, but.. she's so fucking, i dont even know,
she makes me speechless<3

presentation project for poetry, peace, and social justice class.

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 01:00:26 GMT

MARILYN MANSON LYRICS

"Coma White"
There's something cold and blank behind her smile
She's standing on an overpass
In her miracle mile

‘Cause you were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today
Today to run away

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself

Her mouth was an empty cut
And she was waiting to fall
Just bleeding like a polaroid
That lost all her dolls

You were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today, today
Today to run away

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb

A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself
[chorus repeat]

Marilyn Manson, born as Brian Hugh Warner, has been an influential figure in my eyes. He brings realism and controversy to the table with his lyrical content and symbolism. Manson has written all of his songs which usually clash with drug use, religious, and political aspects. ( Marilyn (band) )

In this song I chose called “Coma White” off of his fourth album, Mechanical Animals, Manson portrays the world of drugs. In the first verse, he’s stating how drugs are able to make a person cold and basically non-human. There is no feeling, just pure dependence on the drugs. In the second verse, he writes about how no one is perfect, yet the feeling of imperfection can lead to the cause of drug use, to make yourself feel immortal, to actually feel important. During the chorus, Manson is explaining how there are drugs that are used in spite of fun and drugs in use for actual pain. In other words, a way to make yourself “numb” to the world and it’s cruelty.

“Her mouth was an empty cut, she was waiting to fall” is probably one of my favorite lyrics he’s written. It brings such a strong perspective to the world of drug use. Manson is portraying how no matter what an addict has to say, no on listens which furthermore brings the dependence on drugs. Marilyn Manson, in many eyes, is just a waste of musical talent, but as for me, I believe he’s a lyrical genius. He actually tells what is really going on in the world without all of the fairytale nonsense added to his songs. Manson is real and so are the words he speaks.

The reason I chose this song is due to my past. I’m able to relate to this song wholeheartedly. Unfortunately, I use to be very big into drugs. From crystal meth to marijuana. Take your pick because I’ve probably done it. It was a hard time in my life, I was very depressed and felt like no one would listen or care. Then I found drugs, which controlled my life for about two years. Drugs filled that empty hole, yet at that same time they didn’t, because once the high diminished, that hole became empty again. It felt like a bottomless pit and I felt I was spiraling out of control. Finally after one night of almost overdosing, my eyes opened and I realized, what am I doing with my life? I’m breaking off close friendships and my family was left in the dust. It’s a horrible feeling. Hearing this song, I’m able to cope with what I use to be and who I am now. I’m a person with feelings and hope, and Manson was able to portray it with words in an amazing song.

also had to play the song for the class and explain to them why. i was so nervous, but everyone was so accepting and supportive, i was quite surpised.

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 19:52:17 GMT

so spending over 36 hours in a hospital was the worst experience of my life.

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 19:01:01 GMT

just got back from melbourne for 3 days. my cousin is leaving for the navy, he's becoming a seal. we had a going away party for him. majority of my dad's side of the family showed up, but it was only the family who matters so it was good seeing everyone. it was hard saying bye to him. he's a month younger than me.. we grew up together and now he's gone. it's sad man.. but he's ready and i'm proud of him even though i'm against the war. what can i do eh?

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 15:02:40 GMT

siesta keys was amazing. spending four days away from this shithole with my family was a beautiful thing. my dad and i drank margaritas at the bungalow and got pretty tipsy, oh good times. the beaches were BEAUTIFUL and the sunsets were even more amazing. the place where we stayed was just so serene. it was amazing being able to do absolutely nothing and have a blast. i had such a great time. hopefully i should be getting some pictures soon, just have to figure out how to transfer them onto this computer. but as always as soon as i step foot back into spring hill, the drama ensues. oh how i love life and petty 5 year olds who think they know what they're talking about.

peace out, a-town down.

my sister and mutha.

dad and brotha chillin in the bungalow.

right outside our door.

we were able to kayak and canoe for no extra charge. amazinggggg.

got to love my family.

right after my dad and i finished our margaritas the first night.

i don't know what i was talking about?

my bro kayaking.

good morning sunshinnnne.

my sister and i at turtle beach the second night.

the sunset was amazing..

my mom striking a pose.

siesta key beach on the last night.

i love my parents, they're so cute<3

finis.

Thu, 31 May 2007 12:38:47 GMT

i'm done. i graduated! goodbye central highhhhh!

Wed, 16 May 2007 01:41:21 GMT

blah. 3 more days and i'm done, for good, with high school and central. fuck off, goodbye. no missing that. this week is just going by too slow for my liking. show tomorrow night.. the stress is just never ending for me. one thing right after another.. and another..

if this is sight, then i'd rather be blind..

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 21:21:10 GMT

so here i am again writing about how, yet again, i fucked up. only exception to this time is i fucked up BIG time. i ended up almost flipping my truck on forest oaks on tuesday. see, it wouldn't have been so bad, but i had a few drinks before i started driving. granted i wasn't drunk, maybe a little buzzed, but that doesn't matter to my friend coppers. oh yay. i almost killed myself and my friend mike who was riding with me. it was horrible. after the second cop came there he decided to give me a field sobriety test. it was either that or lose my license for a year, but i knew i would be able to pass since i wasn't drunk. passed it so i shoved that in the fucking cops face. bastard. then after all the manhandling since i wouldn't cooperate, he decides to search my truck. i said fine since i didn't have anything in there. apparently i was in the wrong, but i really don't think so. he comes out of my truck, does a full search on mike (thank god he have his sac to jess when she got there) and then he shows my mom the weed. i flip out. i honestly think that fucking PIG set me up. i knew for a fact i didn't have any weed in my car cause if i did, well it would have been smoked already, heh. so they do a full search on me. yeah.. the only reason i was not arrested was because i heard him saying to my mom since i have a 3.0 gpa and i graduate in a few weeks that he will just let me go with a ticket for careless driving with drinking and driving on it. i did over a grand in damage, but i'm just glad we didn't end up rolling cause if the truck would have rolled like it almost did, mike and i would have rolled straight into that lake. scary thought. oh and the reason we didn't flip is because my axle or something underneath my truck got caught on a sewage drain which is what yanked us back down to the ground because we were on two tires. you want to know what that fucking cop tried to charge me with? a knick off of the sewage drain which "apparently" would have cost $200. um GO SUCK A FUCKING DICK YOU BASTARD. he also said these exact words, "you're lucky you didn't run into that brick wall because it's very expensive." excuse me? i'm sorry a brick wall is more priceless than two lives. fuck you. the worst part of this whole ordeal is how much i hurt my parents. i couldn't stay at my house that night so i ran for 2 days. my parents ended up cleaning my whole room out which was a bad idea on their part. they found over 7 empty bags of weed, pills from like 3 years ago, and that freezer bag full of beer bottle caps. what a smack in the face for them. they took me off their insurance and completely took the truck away. i don't even care about that anymore, i just hate how infuriated i am with myself for fucking up yet again and for hurting my parents so unbelievably much. not only that, but for putting them in $400 worth of debt.. i'm such a fuck up man. i'm so selfish, i never think of the repercussions of my stupid fucking actions. when the fuck am i going to learn? my mother still hasn't talked to me and it hurts, but i would rather her not have to look at my disgusting face. when i talked to my dad the night i came home he basically summed it up as i'm a scumbag, piece of shit. yeah, i deserved it, i know, but i wish they knew how pissed off at myself i am because i guarantee is doesn't compare to the level they're on with me. disappointing your parents time after time within 2 weeks time just has killed me inside. it made me realize how much i really don't like myself and it's not like i can escape. everyone keeps repeatedly telling me, "things could be worse" but nothing is worse than having to look at your parents faces when they see how hurt they are.. because of you.

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 04:58:23 GMT

damn.. i can't believe it's happening again.

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 02:51:42 GMT

look what i got today. =D

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 23:38:44 GMT

so i turn 18 in 4 days. werd.

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 02:56:25 GMT

i love julianne rosset. plain and simple, friends til' the end.

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 23:46:22 GMT

damn, i haven't gotten these good of grades since middle school. go me man.

psychology - a
amer. gov. hon. - b
earth space science - b
acting - a
chemistry - b
english - a

i can actually say i'm proud of myself.

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 01:24:12 GMT

meh school. it's alright i guess. it's school, there's nothing to be excited about.

1st - psychology
2nd - american government honors
3rd - earth, space science
4th - acting 4
5th - chemistry
6th - english 4

next semester i've got economics honors, sociology, and law studies. werd.

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 13:44:10 GMT

i'm in a lot of pain right now. last night, somehow, someway, me, brea, amber, and trent got into a bad car accident. me and trent were sitting in the back seat and the car hit on my side. i was on the phone with mshell and next thing i know i look over, i see a car, and scream. from what i was told i slammed my head into the glass then flew the oopposite way to hit the other side of my head on the center console and just ended up on trents side hanging out of the window. mind you i was knocked unconcious the WHOLE time. i woke up a while after that to myself in the car and a cop holding my face up. a fireman was trying to ply the passenger side door out.. that shit all sucked. me and brea ended up getting bayflighted to st. joe's hospital l in tampa on those plastic stretchers with neckbraces on and had to get ct scans and all tht bullshit. trent and amber ended up going to the hospital like 4 hours later. everything sucks man. my doctor or whoever the hell it was says i can't do anything for this next week. uhhh fuck that. so yeah, that's what happened last night. alls i know is i ended up losing my glasses. a shoe, my earrings/plugs and my cell phone. this shit all sucks. i just hope the other 3 are okay, i haven't talked to them since. :(

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 20:48:15 GMT

yeah so holy shit last night was crazy.
good, but fucking CRAZY.
someone got sent to the hospital
someone else was gonna be sent to the hospital, but i'm cool and broke it up.
and i woke up to my shoes in a little pond. ghey.
but it's a-okay.
gotta go back to work, peaceee.